The last few weeks have all gone by in a bit of a blur. There has been summer trips to Italy and Greece, Glastonbury, family and friends visiting from New Zealand, sightseeing, rugby world cup games, time on the yoga mat, a recent wedding in Denmark and the ultimate, GQ Men of the Year awards. There’s no questioning why I love living in London, but here am I am asking myself “To stay, or not to stay?”
In the back of my mind though, there has been a constant debate about whether to stay in this city that has stolen my heart, or return back to New Zealand. If it were only my decision, the choice would have been easier.
Unfortunately it’s not always so simple and there were a lot of other factors to consider – the main one being that Mike was ready to return home. The initial one to two year plan of moving to London has already turned into 3.5 years. London seems to have a way of doing that. The months and years whizz by. There is always something new to do, to see, to learn and experience.
It has a magical hold with its bustling streets, history, international cultures, pop-ups, food markets, theatre, gigs, entertainment, shopping and travel. If you can think of it, you can probably find it in London.
Reaching this fork in the road of one of us wanting to stay and the other wanting to leave meant there has been a lot of umming and aahing this year when it came to making a decision. The fast approaching deadline of our visas expiring only adding to the pressure.
To be honest, I’ve been in complete denial. Pulling back from my blog, from social media and putting my head in the sand, hoping that time would stand still and I wouldn’t have to make a decision, or leave the city I love.
FYI – this is not the recommended way to deal with things. Time will never stop and by not making any decision, I put life on hold inevitably not making progress either way. Sometimes fear holds us exactly where we are, in turn creating what we are most afraid of.
Time was running out and it was time to make a choice.
A lot of people gave their advice (a lot of it biased on both sides – love you all), but comments from two people really stuck with me and I think can apply to others in many situations.
The first from an unexpected source who told me, “It’s time to move forward. If you make no decision, it will keep you stuck and static. Don’t wait until a decision feels right. Just move. Only once we’ve moved forward will we know if it’s a mistake and if it is, we can change it.”
The other from a close friend, “Just make a decision and see how it feels. There’s no wrong decision. There’s just a decision and if you don’t like what you decide, you can make a new decision. That’s how we learn and grow. That’s life. A beautiful mess. Either way, make the decision from a place of power and love, not a place of powerlessness and fear.”
Both pieces of advice really helped me move forward, so, recently I handed in my resignation at work.
And then cried.
While there are plenty of positives of moving back to New Zealand, I’m still sad to be leaving a company I love, a city that fills me with excitement and to say goodbye to beautiful friends I’ll be leaving behind.
But, as the sun sets on one day, a new day begins and I am excited about what is next. While London and all the wonderful memories, experiences and friends I have made here will always have a special place in my heart, there are new adventures to be had.
So, London friends – it’s time to schedule catch ups and after a holiday in Bali, New Zealand friends and family – we will see you in a few weeks.
Love & London,